My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
