your parents love me but you hate me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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