maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
false alarm, still single
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
