During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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