Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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