my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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