Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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