Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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