I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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