I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
