i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
