Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
