He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
