chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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