we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!