Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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