Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
