so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
