how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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