Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
