How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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