he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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