Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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