I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
