I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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