The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
