please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Everclear isn't food dammit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
