i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
