why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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