why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
