the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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