Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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