He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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