Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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