I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
