Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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