well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
