Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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