My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
