he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i dont even know how to be here
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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