You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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