Jerry, you need to find god
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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