if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
