You work out of a Hotel?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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