I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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