True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
