what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
