Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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