As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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