I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
