She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
