i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
