If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
