just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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