you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
