Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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