She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just found puke in my bra..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
