They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
