I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
