i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
