That's when you crack a 10am beer
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
