i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
