Don't you send me to vm
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
