Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
