I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
