Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
