Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
