cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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