What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
