i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would ride that face into the sunset
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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