Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
