Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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