I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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