forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
