somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
