If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
